A Long Time Ago in a Football League Far, Far Away....
This entry was posted on 8/28/2007 12:47 PM and is filed under uncategorized.
Thanls to my buddy Joel for sending
this along...this may be the single greatest thing I've ever read in my entire life. Alright, maybe it's not that good, but the simple combination of Star Wars and the NFL is simply too good to pass up.
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Predicted NFL Standings for 2007
8-22-2007
We asked ourselves, "How should we present our predictions for the season?" Using Star Wars characters was the obvious answer. Actually, Star Wars is the answer to most important questions. |
|
Prediction |
AFC EAST |
Star Wars Character |
| New England
11 - 5 |
  |
Emperor Palpatine
Keeps Darth Vader (below) on a tight leash. Used to be terrifying, but now is just old and wrinkled. |
| New York
10 - 6 |
  |
Darth Maul
The threatening apprentice. Knows what he's doing, but will still end up sliced in half at the bottom of a reactor shaft. |
| Buffalo
6 - 10 |
  |
Biggs
He was right there until the end, then he blew up.
|
|
Miami
5 - 11 |
  |
Jar Jar
Bumbling moron. |
|
Prediction |
AFC NORTH |
Star Wars Character |
| Baltimore
12 - 4 |
 |
The Death Star
Incredible defense against a large scale attack, but has a tendency to implode. |
| Pittsburgh
10 - 6 |
  |
Sebulba
Wins a lot of pod races, but has been known to cheat. The shot at another title was undone by an ugly crash.
|
| Cincinnati
10 - 6 |
  |
Crix Madine
Imprisoned, but he broke out just in time to lead a major offensive. |
|
Cleveland
3 - 13 |
 |
Jawas
They are small, brown, and constantly trading for junk. |
|
Prediction |
AFC SOUTH |
Star Wars Character |
|
Colts
11 - 5 |
  |
Luke Skywalker
You aren't sure he is going to get it done in the end, but you can't imagine the story ending any other way. |
| Jaguars
10 - 6 |
 |
Salacious Crumb
Sort of menacing at first glance, but easily defeated by lesser heroes. |
| Houston
6 - 10 |
 |
Bantha
Slow moving herd animals who are easily mastered. |
| Tennessee
6 - 10 |
  |
Admiral Piett
Competent leadership that is constantly failed by its underlings. |
|
Prediction |
AFC WEST |
Star Wars Character |
| Chargers
14 - 2 |
  |
Darth Vader
Very frightening, but never lived up to its incredible potential. |
| Denver
9 - 7 |
  |
Admiral Ackbar
A brilliant strategist who always seems to fall into traps. |
| Kansas City
6 - 10 |
  |
Taun Taun
You have to be careful because they'll let you ride them to death. |
| Oakland
3 - 13 |
 |
Storm troopers
They may look tough, but they aren't. |
|
Prediction |
NFC EAST |
Star Wars Character |
| Dallas
11 - 5 |
  |
Young Obi-Wan
Has talented protégées, but it all could go horribly wrong. |
| Philadelphia
10 - 6 |
  |
Mace Windu
Nearly defeated the Emperor. (Also McNabb would look badass wielding a purple lightsaber.) |
| New York
8 - 8 |
  |
Princess Leia
Sibling of the chosen one. |
|
Washington
7 - 9 |
  |
Jabba
Rich and bloated. |
|
Prediction |
NFC NORTH |
Star Wars Character |
| Chicago
12 - 4 |
  |
Anakin
Brash and talented, but has no arm. |
| Minnesota
6 - 10 |
  |
Mon Mothma
Really, really boring. |
| Green Bay
6 - 10 |
  |
Yoda
Green and 800 years old. |
| Detroit
6 - 10 |
  |
Admiral Ozzel
"He is as clumsy as he is stupid." |
|
Prediction |
NFC SOUTH |
Star Wars Character |
| New Orleans
12 - 4 |
 |
Wedge
His presence is nearly inexplicable, but he's going to be there in the end. |
| Carolina
7 - 9 |
  |
Millennium Falcon
A favorite of everyone's, but may break down at exactly the wrong time. |
| Tampa Bay
3 - 13 |
  |
The Naboo Squadron
Lots of pilots, none of them any good. |
| Atlanta
2 - 14 |
  |
Han Solo frozen in carbonite
You couldn't be more screwed. |
|
Prediction |
NFC WEST |
Star Wars Character |
| Seattle
10 - 6 |
 |
The planet Kamino
Wet, rainy and wet. |
| St. Louis
9 - 7 |
 |
Kit Fisto
Impressive looking warrior who is too easily defeated by the dark side. |
| Arizona
9 - 7 |
  |
Slave Princess Leia
Always the sexy pick, but ends up choking you to death. |
| San Francisco
6 - 10 |
  |
Bail Organa
A rich lineage in formal attire. |
